Will you be my friend?
It’s easy for the 4-year-old in the sandbox to approach another kid and make a friend, but as adults, making new friends AND finding time to keep up with our old friends is a challenge!
It was my delight to spend quality time connecting with Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a friendship expert who filled my tank and my science geek brain with tons of common sense research on the value of friendship, how we can and should make friends, and what people really think of us.
In this engaging interview, you’ll hear:
- Mind-boggling stats on loneliness (+ the 3 kinds of loneliness, only one of which a spouse can dispel)
- Why it’s time to “bring dignity back to friendship”
- What research says about rejection and what people are really looking for in a good friend
- The first step kids and adults need to take to make new friends (from a psychologist!)
- Super practical ways to make “room” in your busy schedule for both new and loyal friends
- How we can support our kids in making and keep friends
- And technology, oh, technology…Dr. Franco calls it a “net negative” effect on connection, but we DO get to discuss how to use tech positively…
Dr. Franco gives you the perfect 2-minute homework assignment at the end of the interview, and I know you’ll find your life much improved by the new research-backed mindset you can have about time with friends!
Can’t see the video? Watch The Science of Friendship here on YouTube!
No time for the video? Here are the notes!
The Science of Friendship
- 0:20: Today we’re talking to Dr. Marisa Franco about friendship for ourselves and our kids.
- 2:30: Dr. Franco shares her story with us and how she started focusing her study on friendship. She believed the lie that romantic love is the only love that matters, but realized she had love that was platonic, but worthwhile with friends. Stress relief tips for moms.
- 4:22: Friendship deserves to be talked about more in the health world. Loneliness has been shown to be as toxic to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day!
- 7:30: What can we do to grow intentional friendships? It won’t just happen, you need to put in some effort and initiate relationships. Who do you already know that you’d like to be more intentional with?
Research tells us we’re less likely to be rejected than we think! -Dr. Marisa Franco
- 9:33: We get stuck thinking people are thinking negatively about us, but other people are lonely too! There’s nothing to lose by asking someone out for coffee or for a walk. Assume people like you, you’ll act more open and sociable. More tips for building connection for middle schoolers.
- 12:28: Where do we make friends? People are working from home or staying at home with their kids, where do we start a community? Dr. Franco has some great tips.
Ultimate Holiday Skills Bundle
Want all four of our Life Skill Mini-Series at a discount? Try the Ultimate Holiday Skills Bundle and get over 40 workshops from our summer camps in one convenient package and save!
Find out which workshops are included and buy this limited-time-only bundle today!
- 14:41: There are levels of loneliness and we need different types of friends to fulfill them all. The levels are: 1) the desire for a close relationship like a spouse or best friend, 2) the desire for a circle of friends, and 3) the desire to be part of a group working towards a common goal.
- 16:50: It’s important to have friends who are local to you. Even if these aren’t your closest friends, you need people you can hang out with in person and form face-to-face connections.
- 18:02: As difficult as it is for adults to make friends, think about the kids who have just been through the last two years of schools shutting down and virtual school. Tell your kids that if they want to feel like they belong, they should focus on helping others feel included.
Teaching your kids to make people feel like they matter is how you teach them to make friends. -Dr. Marisa Franco
Cold Season is here. But you don’t have to participate.
If you hate having a runny nose, scratchy throat, and irritated sinuses, then the solution could be as simple as using the Beekeeper’s Naturals propolis throat spray to build your immunity.
Janet M. tried this throat spray and became an instant fan. She writes:
“I love this stuff and use it daily! If I feel like I could be getting sick, I use it several times a day, and symptoms disappear! I recently gave it to my sister and she loved it, too! Wonderful product and superb customer service!”
And Janet is just one of HUNDREDS of people who’ve experienced similar results.
Stop struggling with seasonal health issues every fall and winter…
Use the code Katie15 to save 20% off your purchase when you try it here.
- 20:27: How can parents help their kids make friends and nurture friendships amidst busy schedules? Environments where they can have regular unplanned interactions and vulnerability nurture friendships.
People report the most desirable trait in a friend is how much they make them feel like they matter. -Dr. Marisa Franco
- 22:35: When you join a group, don’t just expect people to come to you. Initiate conversation and show up mentally.
- 23:15: Dr. Franco gives some great encouragement to introverts and more reserved people.
- 25:10: I often talk about making friends with food with picky eaters, but I also view food as a powerful tool for building community. Sharing food allows generosity and provides a shared experience.
- 27:05: Technology can be complicated when it comes to connection. Some kids use technology as a substitute for in-person connection and they’re getting more and more lonely. On the other hand, if you facilitate community with technology then it can be helpful. Posture and technology, screen time guidelines for teens, and better screen time.
- 28:49: Dr. Franco lists several of the negative impacts technology has on our friendships and connection. Listen in here and share with your teens who are on social media!
If I were to make an argument about technology and its effect on connection, it would be a net negative. -Dr. Marisa Franco
- 31:30: Technology is not all bad, but we need to teach our kids how to use it well!
- 33:00: We leave you with a quick win you can accomplish today!
Resources We Mention on Friendship
- Stress relief tips for moms
- More tips for building connection for middle schoolers
- Posture and technology
- Screen time guidelines for teens
- Better screen time
- Sign up for Dr. Franco’s free quiz to assess your friendship strengths
- Follow her on Instagram
- Dr. Franco is available for speaking engagements
- Dr. Franco’s book Platonic
An enlightening psychologist and national speaker, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and wrote the NY Times bestselling book Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends.What You Should Do Next:
1. Subscribe to the Healthy Parenting Handbook Newsletter
I interview experts about kids’ health every week – stay in the loop with a quick Saturday morning email:
New privacy measures can make pop-up buttons inaccessible – if the button doesn’t respond, here’s a simple, secure link to subscribe.
2. Try a Free Preview of My Cooking Class for Kids
Our members’ favorite lesson is always our 10-minute knife skills and safety class, teaching techniques with unique & memorable phrases from butter knives to chef’s knives (ages 2-teen). Take a peek here and try it out with your kids.
3. Enroll in the Online Cooking Course for Kids:
Enroll now in the Wall Street Journal’s #1 recommended online cooking class for kids (also rated 5 stars on Facebook). See what fits your family best HERE.
About Katie Kimball
Katie Kimball, CSME, creator of Kids Cook Real Food™ and CEO of Kitchen Stewardship®, LLC, is passionate about connecting families around healthy food. As a trusted educator and author of 8 real food cookbooks, she’s been featured on media outlets like ABC, NBC and First for Women magazine and contributes periodically on the FOX Network.
Since 2009, busy moms have looked to Katie as a trusted authority and advocate for children’s health, and she often partners with health experts and medical practitioners to stay on the cutting edge. In 2016 she created the Wall Street Journal recommended best online kids cooking course, Kids Cook Real Food™, helping thousands of families around the world learn to cook. She is actively masterminding the Kids’ Meal Revolution, with a goal of every child learning to cook.
A mom of 4 kids from Michigan, she is also a Certified Stress Mastery Educator, member of the American Institute of Stress and trained speaker through Bo Eason’s Personal Story Power.