Episode 49: My Top Tips for Raising Nice Boys (From a Mom of Three Boys!)

Ever been asked a question in person, and you replay the conversation over and over, a dozen times, rephrasing your answer?

I did that recently, not just rephrasing but adding and rethinking and adding some more.

The question was, “How do you raise such nice boys??”

I decided it would make a pretty decent podcast episode, exploring my meanderings through intentional parenting and how we’ve built a family culture.

Does this advice (If you can call it that) apply to girls too? You betcha. In fact, it’s pretty universal.

I look forward to hearing what you think about:

• the way we chose to parent our newborns and toddlers
• what I think about my husband
• whether boys can be gentle
• the impact of mirror neurons on our kids’ brains
• the effect healthy food may or may not have on “nice boys”
• our “people over screens” rules and how we’ve pulled back and released technology over the years
• choice within boundaries, and agency while working as a team on high expectations
• and maybe most importantly – is it ever too late?

Can’t see the video? Watch Raising Nice Boys here on YouTube.

No time for the video? Here are the notes!

How I’ve Raised Nice Boys

• 1:11: Today, I’m going to answer a question that someone in my real life asked me. Here’s what my acquaintance asked me, “Katie, how did you raise such nice boys?“
• 1:53: Here’s the context in which this question was asked. Last summer, my three boys and I were in a community theater production of  Mary Poppins.
• 2:34: As an aside, it’s really good for our brains to try something new. It was a big stretch out of my comfort zone to act and sing in a play. It’s also really good to show our kids that we can struggle to learn new things too.
• 3:24: While we were at all the practices for Mary Poppins, the other families got to know my boys. One of the moms grabbed me at the cast party and asked me the question I began the episode with, “How did you raise such nice boys?”
• 5:08: Now, this woman’s son is 15 or 16, and honestly, the first thought that sprang to mind was that she’s too late, her kid is too old…but we’ll address that at the end of the episode. 😉
• 5:33: Over the next few days and weeks I mulled this question over in my mind. What have we done? And what are the characteristics that I’m most proud of in my boys? 
• 6:24: Of course, these tips apply to girls as well, I guess people just think boys are more active and less thoughtful of others.

The Best Foundation for Raising Nice Kids

• 6:29: Before you’re even raising nice kids, it starts with marrying a nice man. I think my boys are a little calmer and maybe kinder because of the example my husband sets.
• 8:13: When my kids were little, I engaged in baby-carrying. I kept them close to me physically. One of the beautiful pieces of babywearing is that they become very attuned to you, and get to see other adults as they interact. Humans have mirror neurons that cause us to reflect those around us, especially those we are close to. 
• 9:18: If you as the parent are stressed, your kids will feel that stress. It’s a bit scary but also can be good. We have a lot of power as parents to set the tone of the household and the tone of our families.

In anything I do, I’m building my kids’ neurology through our physical interactions with each other. -Katie Kimball, KCRF Creator

Build a Strong Family Culture

• 12:11: We have built a very strong culture where we have specific values and routines. For example, we go to church, and that gives our kids structure. They know that church is not optional. I do believe that that helps raise kids who know how to be committed. We have a practice of family prayer before every meal and before we go to bed every single night.  
• 14:34: We also have a culture of healthy food. Hopefully, my boys are less sugared up than your average kid here in America, so that, you know, they’re able to have a little more self-control, because their bodies have that stable blood sugar. 

Giving them the best foundation they can have nutritionally and physically to be their best selves and supercharge everything else we’re trying to do. -Katie Kimball, KCRF Creator

• 15:34: Alongside healthy eating, we encourage self-discipline. Self-discipline and moderation help in academics and later at work, it helps socially and with health and wellness. 
• 17:00: We have a very strong family culture rule or routine of people over screens. We talk a lot with our kids about using screens for good and making sure that we are managing our screens and that their screens are not controlling us.
• 20:54: We prioritize a lot of outdoor time and family time. We try not to over-schedule. At least once or twice a week, hopefully, three or four times, we’re getting a pretty solid family dinner. That’s family bonding time where you’re telling your stories and you’re joking around. Here are some benefits of family dinners if you’re not convinced yet!

Parenting Choices for Raising Nice Boys

• 22:38: Here are a few of the specific parenting choices we make. Please remember that we’re imperfect beings, but this is our goal! We mean what we say we will do and we follow through. I say the phrase “I do what I say I will do” often to my kids.
• 23:56: When we make mistakes, we think it’s really important to be humble and apologize to our kids.
• 24:21: We have high expectations for our kids. (While also balancing not being perfectionists.) 

• 26:15: Here’s an example of how I came alongside one of my sons to help him achieve a goal that was important to both of us. Of course, mom and dad are still the bosses and there’s a hierarchy in our family, but we want our kids to feel like we’re on their team and have mutual respect. 
• 27:43: Kids need choices within boundaries. I tell my picky-eating community parents this all the time! Their brains can’t handle unlimited choices, but they need some agency and practice making choices.

Is it Ever Too Late to Start Raising Nice Boys?

• 28:56: Let’s go back to the question I asked at the beginning: Is it ever too late to get started raising nice kids? I love what Dr. Gordon Neufeld says in his book Hold On to Your Kids. He says that when attachment is broken between a parent and a teen it can be repaired, you can always reattach to your kids.
• 29:55: If you feel like you’re losing your middle or high schooler you may need to do something big to get that attachment bond back in place. Go big and do something that interrupts your normal life. Take a screen-free week as a family, or go on a one-on-one weekend away for a hiking trip. It’s never too late!

• 31:45: Above all this, my husband and I always try to be on the same page when it comes to parenting decisions and we make a united front. We may make different decisions for different kids or in different seasons of life, but they’re always rooted in the same values. 

We try hard to make sure that our kids know they are loved no matter what. -Katie Kimball, KCRF Creator

Resources We Mention for Raising Nice Boys

• • Avoiding “hangry” meltdowns
  • How we are managing our screens
  • Some benefits of family dinners
  • The book I mentioned: Hold On to Your Kids

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