We hear “kids are resilient, they’ll be ok,” a LOT, especially lately.
This conversation with Marcy Pusey, a Certified Trauma & Resilience Practitioner, opened MY eyes to the fact that perhaps…they’re not.
I thought we’d just be talking about the power of story, kind of a cute, sweet idea to share with you that some people might enjoy. Turns out we got to talk about the language behind “online learning” and why it’s totally wrong and harmful, how a global pandemic puts us all into a potential state of trauma, and vital habits every family needs to adopt for good mental health — especially now.
Get your brain ready to be fascinated, and grab some playdough or start chopping veggies while you watch. Marcy and I talk about:
- What resilience really is and why kids don’t have as much as we might think
- What trauma really is and why I’ve been doing myself a disservice by simply assuming anything with that sort of title didn’t apply to me
- How everyone in a family might experience something like a car accident (or a global pandemic) completely differently
- Why our brains process historical fiction and a social studies textbook differently (and which one is more effective)
- Why parents need to filter stories and movies for their kids, both to keep out particular negative influences but also to SEEK certain types of heroes that can give our kids resilience without danger
- The simple fact that our kids borrow from our capacity, which may explain why some days are harder than others for busy parents
- Problems in talk therapy and a better solution (that families can do at home without a professional!)
- Why cooking really is a brain-science based way to connect with your kids better and improve their mental health
This interview was amazing, and I’m rushing off to get a journal for one of my kids and some playdough for the others right now!
Can’t see the video? View it here on YouTube.
No time to watch the whole video? Here are the notes!
Healing Trauma in Children Video Time Stamps
- 0:31: I’m here today on the Healthy Parenting Connector with Marcy Pusey, Certified Trauma and Resilience Practitioner and Rehabilitation Counselor.
- 2:17: Marcy shares how story and trauma collided in her life and brought her where she is today.
I found my writing wasn’t just helping other people, it was to wrestle with myself. -Marcy Pusey
- 4:16: Marcy has fostered many children over the years, adopted two of them, and has two additional children. Her oldest two are adults, so she has some parenting experience under her belt.
Resiliency During the COVID Pandemic
- 5:24: We’re recording this in September 2020 just after school has started during the COVID pandemic. I’ve seen a lot of articles talking about how resilient kids are and how they’ll be fine and bounce right back from the strange experiences of wearing masks all day, plexiglass between them and their teachers, virtual schooling, and the like. Marcy shares her opinion as a resiliency expert.
- 6:09: A global pandemic is a traumatic experience. As adults, we’re trying to navigate the additional emotional burden, and it’s hard to also help our kids through it. Saying they’re resilient and will be ok is an easy way out of recognizing their need for support.
- 7:25: Resilience is a combination of your life experience and the resources you’ve gained over time by going through those experiences. Kids don’t have the same resources to draw from as adults. Marcy explains what may actually be happening inside a child who looks “fine” on the outside.
- 8:38: Many parents are noticing changes in their child’s behavior during COVID and they’re attributing it to changes in schedule, but maybe there’s more to it.
This IS a Big Deal for Our Kids
- 9:25: We talk about the impact that hearing the news and parental anxiety have on a child. The way parents model dealing with stress and anxiety will impact the children’s mindset and behavior.
How am I navigating this crisis and what can I model for my kids? -Marcy Pusey
- 10:36: We need to watch our language. Our kids didn’t come home to do online learning, they were sent home in the middle of a global crisis and are trying to learn online. For many kids, everything they know as normal life was suddenly pulled out from under them.
- 12:11: I’m a teacher and I have so much respect for the teachers who are trying to reinvent the way we do school this year under so much stress.
- 12:42: Have you ever felt like your kids were draining you off all your emotional capacity? Turns out they actually are. When kids are in stressful situations they don’t have their own resources to draw from so they take from us.
- 13:01: How can storytelling impact a child’s brain and help them process emotions and thoughts. There’s actual brain science behind this!
- 15:13: I have watched my kids read historical fiction and learn far more than a textbook taught them. Stories stick with us.
- 15:50: Because stories interact so strongly with our brains, we need to filter the type of stories our kid’s experience. They need to see kids overcoming obstacles and learning lessons on their own.
What Is Trauma?
- 17:30: Marcy defines some terms relating to trauma, and explains how trauma gets programmed into the brain. Trauma is a bit of a buzzword, but the definition might not be what you think.
- 19:32: For years, we’ve treated trauma with talk therapy, but trauma is stored in the inner brain which isn’t cognitive. You need two things to actually release trauma: a safe place to reexperience the event and a way to express it.
- 20:30: Marcy gives examples of free creative expression that can help you release trauma. You don’t even have to understand what you’re doing in order for it to work.
Healing Trauma in Children
- 21:23: As a parent provide opportunities for different kinds of expression for your kids and model for them. Show curiosity, and let your kids work it out on their own.
- 22:10: If your kids are writing a freestyle story, that is them working something out. It isn’t so much the content of the story that matters but the questions the story answers. Marcy lists a bunch of questions your child may be asking through their expression.
- 23:14: At first I thought the kids had to be telling the stories of the traumatic events, but that’s not the case. They just need to be expressing and telling stories through a creative outlet.
- 23:52: If you’ve ever been in a fight or flight situation, you may look back and realize that you don’t remember what happened, or it’s very fuzzy. This is our body’s way of protecting us from traumatic events and memories.
No matter what life throws at our kids, we need them to be resilient.
This free download will give you some practical and actionable steps to improve brain health and resilience.
Fostering Creative Expression in Your Kids
- 24:47: Storytelling may not be sitting down with a pen and paper. A child could create something with clay, act a story out, paint, write a song, etc.
Regardless of whether we understand the meaning behind the art, the creative expression is doing good work in our child’s brain. -Marcy Pusey
- 26:48: We discuss how to work through specific potentially traumatic events (like a car accident) with your kids.
- 27:49: Different people will experience the same traumatic event differently. It depends on the meaning you attach to it. Marcy shares an example of how two kids could interpret a car accident with dramatically different longterm results.
- 29:02: It’s easy to assign meaning to an event for someone else, especially a child. Bring your curiosity to find out the meaning they have assigned and watch behavior for clues.
- 31:12: Whenever I see trauma-related content, I think it doesn’t apply to me because I’ve never experienced significant traumatic events, but Marcy is saying that it could be just one experience of bullying that we don’t even remember from our childhood that took root and got stuck as trauma in our brain.
More Practical Tips for Parents
- 32:08: Go with your gut, you know your kids. There are art therapists who would be great to turn to if you feel out of your league with a situation. Try avoiding talk therapy unless you can see that the child wants to verbally process.
Know when it’s bigger than you and go get help. -Marcy Pusey
- 33:06: Marcy has a free gift for my audience that will help you figure out how to apply this info for your kids.
No kid is too big to play with clay or play-dough. -Marcy Pusey
- 35:49: Get into the habit of sharing stories. I have my kids each tell my grandma a story about something they did when we talk to her on the phone. Pull up a picture and ask what kids remember about that day, what their favorite thing was, what was hard, etc.
- 36:34: The side by side interaction of coloring together or cooking together is often better at building relationships than face to face communication.
Resources We Mention for Healing Trauma in Children
- Marcy’s website
- Miramare Ponte Press for help publishing your children’s story
- Connect on social media: Instagram or Facebook
- The guide for parents Marcy mentioned at the end of the chat that will help you find the best expressive play for your family
- Catch Marcy’s TEDx talk here
- Interview on raising resilient kids
- Story cubes
What You Should Do Next:
1. Subscribe to The Healthy Parenting Connector
2. Try a Free Preview of my Cooking Class for Kids
Our members’ favorite lesson is always our 10-minute knife skills and safety class, teaching techniques with unique & memorable phrases from butter knives to chef’s knives (ages 2-teen). Take a peek here and try it out with your kids.
3. Enroll in the Online Cooking Course for Kids:
About Katie Kimball
Katie Kimball, CSME, creator of Kids Cook Real Food and CEO of Kitchen Stewardship, LLC, is passionate about connecting families around healthy food. As a trusted educator and author of 8 real food cookbooks, she’s been featured on media outlets like ABC, NBC and First for Women magazine and contributes periodically on the FOX Network.
Since 2009, busy moms have looked to Katie as a trusted authority and advocate for children’s health, and she often partners with health experts and medical practitioners to stay on the cutting edge. In 2016 she created the Wall Street Journal recommended best online kids cooking course, Kids Cook Real Food, helping thousands of families around the world learn to cook. She is actively masterminding the Kids’ Meal Revolution, with a goal of every child learning to cook.
A mom of 4 kids from Michigan, she is also a Certified Stress Mastery Educator, member of the American Institute of Stress and trained speaker through Bo Eason’s Personal Story Power.