Emily’s stories are going to get your head nodding in empathy and connection – we’ve all been there with the kid who just will NOT put their shoes on, brush their teeth, or do as we ask!
If you’ve ever felt the guilt after exploding all over your kids, those little beings you LOVE so much, you need this interview.
We talk all about emotional regulation, how moms need to work on their own big emotions so that they can better help their kids, and how to raise emotionally healthy families. Today, we touch on:
- Motherhood is no joke! It’s way harder than it looks from the outside, especially when your own emotions get involved.
- In the heat of a meltdown, kids aren’t being “bad,” they’re stuck in their emotional brain, not their thinking brain.
- There’s no perfect time to work on emotional growth. Start where you are.
- Getting support isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.
- Kids learn emotional regulation by watching us. Imperfect parenting still teaches powerful lessons when we’re honest and intentional.
- Raising critical thinkers and independent problem-solvers starts with slowing down, naming emotions, and solving problems with our kids.
Before you hit play on this interview, sign up for our free #LifeSkillsNow virtual summer camp to see more of Emily!
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Can’t see the video? Watch Emotional Regulation for Moms here on YouTube!
No time for the video? Here are the notes!
Emotional Regulation for Moms
- 1:02: Today, I’m speaking with Emily Hamblin about emotional regulation and cultivating emotionally mature families.
- 2:59: Emily shares her story. When she became a mom, she realized that the hardest part of parenting is managing her own emotions.
- 4:36: Emily tells a story about a breaking point in her mothering journey. In frustration, she shouted at her child when he wouldn’t put his shoes on. She realized she needed to make a change and shift her family dynamic.
- 6:41: Let’s juxtapose that scenario with a more recent story. When one of Emily’s kids started melting down over brushing their teeth, she was able to stay calm and de-escalate the situation in a couple of minutes.
- 8:03: Emily gives a few more details on how she dealt with that meltdown. In the moment, say very little. In a meltdown, kids are in their emotional and survival brain, they can’t process logical thought. If anything, you can do some reflective listening and repeat back what they’re saying to show you hear them. If they’re trying to hurt someone, then physically stop them, but don’t try to talk a child out of a meltdown.
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- 9:10: Show your child that they’re safe. Sit with them and show compassion and peace.
- 10:09: Parents tend to worry a lot about making the one right/best choice instead of just making a choice and changing gears later if need be.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
- 10:28: It’s hard to make progress when we feel like we have to do everything alone. It feels like admitting failure to ask for help. Getting support is a sign that you care and are willing to learn and grow.
- 11:00: Seeking support could look like partnering with your spouse, hiring a house cleaner, accepting help from friends and family, taking courses, and reading books.
- 12:21: In order to help our kids emotionally regulate, we need to be emotionally healthy ourselves. Most people put off working on their emotional health because they’re too busy and don’t have time. There’s never a good time, you just have to do it!
Repairing the Relationship When You Blow It
- 13:23: Let’s talk about repair. What should we do when we blow it with our kids? If you explode at your kid, you’re in your emotional brain, and you need strategies to calm yourself down. Any breathing technique where you hold your breath and breathe out longer than in is a great option. Don’t get stuck in blame and guilt. Yes, this isn’t the mom you want to be, but it’s ok, and you can move on.
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- 15:34: As soon as you’re regulated, speak to your child. Apologize, tell them it’s not their fault you yelled at them, and that you’re working on your own emotions.
- 16:37: If you find yourself getting dysregulated at certain times of day, such as bedtime, before school, or while making dinner, think about how you can plan ahead for that time. Start with self-compassion, work on a healthy mindset, and understand why you’re getting dysregulated. Maybe your blood sugar is always dropping at that time of day, maybe something from your childhood is being triggered, or you’re acting out how you were parented.
- 19:07: Slow down and evaluate what is triggering you and why you reacted the way you did. What can you learn from that situation for next time?
Emotional Regulation and Neurodivergence
- 20:11: Emily and all her kids are neurodivergent. Typically, the prefrontal cortex (which controls logical thought) develops until the mid-20s. All kids experience emotional dysregulation. Neurodivergent kids are generally 30-40% behind their neurotypical peers in emotional regulation. So if your 9-year-old is behaving emotionally like a 6-year-old, they probably have the emotional wiring of a 6-year-old.
We’ve got to look at our kids with the mindset that this is normal for my child, and I can’t raise expectations beyond their developmental ability. -Emily Hamblin
- 22:33: Our kids are doing their best, and we’re doing our best as parents. Every child is unique, and no one can tell you exactly how to parent your child.
- 23:47: To start teaching your kids emotional regulation skills, include them in your own emotional journey. If you’re frustrated because someone cut you off in the car narrate for them, “I’m so angry right now. I wonder what I can do about my anger? I wanted to scream at that car, but that won’t help anything.” Young kids will jump in and give you strategies to deal with your anger, which can start good conversations. Older kids may not engage, but they are listening to you modeling.
Teaching Kids Emotional Regulation
- 24:29: Don’t try to teach kids emotional regulation skills in the moment. Make it fun and enjoyable to practice skills when everyone is calm. Use stories and games, and practice silly breathing techniques like balloon breathing.
- 25:09: When a child is beginning to melt down, you can sometimes remind them of their coping strategies. It’s often more effective to model for them in the moment. For example, you just start doing the breathing technique, and that might prompt them to join in.
- 26:13: Collaborate with kids when you come upon problems instead of always enforcing a solution. i.e. “I see you guys are fighting over the book. What’s up?” Invite them to suggest solutions, (and be prepared for them to come up with some crazy ones at first!) Eventually, they will begin problem-solving on their own. Give them the space to learn that skill. Here’s the book Emily mentioned: The Whole-Brain Child
- 19:08: It’s easy to think this takes too long, and it’s faster and simpler to solve the issue ourselves. We all want our kids to be able to solve their own problems, but that means we need to teach them to solve problems. Sometimes Emily catches herself solving problems for her kids, and she’ll say out loud, “Wait! It’s not my job to solve your problem. You need to think of some solutions, and I can help you talk through them.”
- 29:49: You don’t have to do this every single time there’s a conflict, just try to incorporate it more. To be clear, if there’s a safety concern, then yes, step in and enforce boundaries.
- 30:42: Some children have more “wiring” in the empathy centers of their brains. So some kids do develop these skills more easily than others, but you can help your kids develop more empathy wiring, and emotional maturity.
- 32:06: Let’s talk about building emotional regulation skills in the kitchen. The kitchen can be a good place to build social emotional skills, but it’s ok to not be perfect every day in every area. If it’s very dysregulating for you or your child to have them in the kitchen a lot, it’s ok. Here’s The Explosive Child by Ross Green.
- 35:07: Emily shares a story about a time when she showed up to a workout class super late, but ended up meeting a new friend. Even when you do something imperfectly, even if it’s only 10% of what you hoped, that’s more than zero.
- 38:29: Emily tells us a bit about her Neurodivergent Survival Kit for Moms. She also has a free workshop available on her website.
Resources We Mention for Emotional Regulation
- Sign up for our free #LifeSkillsNow virtual summer camp to see more of Emily!
- The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
- The kitchen is a good place to build social emotional skills
- The Explosive Child by Ross Green
- Emily’s free masterclass on Emotional Regulation for Neurodivergent Kids
- Find Emily online
- Follow her on social media: Instagram, Facebook
- Listen to her podcast
Emily spent years learning how to help her children navigate their big emotions in healthy ways, while also learning healthy ways to handle her own big emotions. It wasn’t easy, but it led to powerful breakthroughs that transformed her family’s dynamics.
Now, Emily is the host of the Enlightening Motherhood podcast and the creator of the Neurodivergent Survival Kit for Moms. Through her work, she helps parents strengthen their relationships with their kids, bring more calm into their homes, and build brighter, more connected futures for their families. Emily understands firsthand how tough—and rewarding—this journey can be, and she’s here to share what she’s learned to help others thrive.
What You Should Do Next:
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About Katie Kimball
Katie Kimball, CSME, creator of Kids Cook Real Food™ and CEO of Kitchen Stewardship®, LLC, is passionate about connecting families around healthy food. As a trusted educator and author of 8 real food cookbooks, she’s been featured on media outlets like ABC, NBC and First for Women magazine and contributes periodically on the FOX Network.
Since 2009, busy moms have looked to Katie as a trusted authority and advocate for children’s health, and she often partners with health experts and medical practitioners to stay on the cutting edge. In 2016 she created the Wall Street Journal recommended best online kids cooking course, Kids Cook Real Food™, helping thousands of families around the world learn to cook. She is actively masterminding the Kids’ Meal Revolution, with a goal of every child learning to cook.
A mom of 4 kids from Michigan, she is also a Certified Stress Mastery Educator, member of the American Institute of Stress and trained speaker through Bo Eason’s Personal Story Power.