Time to Stop Managing Your Kids (Why That Actually Works from a CALM Mom of 5 Successful Young Adults!) (HPC: E60)

Do you have a vision for your child’s life? Do you know what kind of person you want your kids to grow up to be?

Through tragedy and personal growth, Michelle Anne learned to become a CALM parent, and she would tell you to STOP IT. But of course she wouldn’t yell. 😉

This was one of the most unique interviews I’ve done on the Healthy Parenting Connector, and I know I’ll be thinking about it often in the days and weeks to come. Whenever someone comes along with a philosophy that totally challenges what you’re doing — and yet it’s ringing with a truth I can’t deny — it’s going to hurt a little bit to allow your brain to shift into a new belief, a new habit of life.

You and Michelle and I might not agree on the meaning of the universe…but I have to admit that she raised some awesome kids who all say she did a great job as a parent! From the daughter traveling through Germany to the son who realized as a college freshman that his late-night gaming was hurting his life, Michelle gives me hope that although parenting seems hard sometimes, letting go of control may actually be the best option.

She seems to have found the balance between boundaries and independence, between trust and acceptance, and I think you’ll learn something new from her too. If you don’t want your kids to behave just in front of you and be someone totally different when they’re out in the world (someone you might not like very much), this is a must-listen.

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Warning: The advice is hard, but the results will be worth it. My favorite quote, which is in itself enough to hurt your brain just enough to make you consider change: “BE who you want your kids to be.”

One idea that blew my mind was the way she does discipline and how many people are involved! It’s something I may want to try in my family, although my 13-year-old thought it sounded terrible. 😉

I’d love to hear in the comments what you found groundbreaking, challenging, resonating, or downright something you don’t agree with. This is a conversation worth starting!

No time to watch the whole video? Here are the notes!

Calm Mom Video Time Stamps

  • 0:04: Michelle Anne is the parent of 5 adult children and she’s going to talk to us today about letting go and letting your kids be themselves and how to raise successful adults without micromanaging.
  • 1:13: Michelle shares her story and how she got where she is today.
  • 3:47: There are a few popular sayings that basically say when mom is happy, the family is happy. Michelle unpacks some of her thoughts around that and how she found acceptance of herself, not happiness, is what impacted her family most profoundly.

How Stress Negatively Affects all Areas of Life

  • 6:18: Michelle works with corporations to teach stress mastery to employees. Employers are realizing that stress at home is affecting an employee’s productivity at work.

When their kids come with a need, the parents are reacting instead of staying calm. They’re not listening because they need their kid to be good in order for them to get through the day. -Michelle Anne

  • 8:04: Michelle explains what she means by “letting go of managing your kids.” Most people would hear that and think “well that’s not gonna work!”

Your kids aren't going to be just like you - allow them to be who they are. -Michelle Anne

Practical Ways to Increase Mindfulness

  • 10:24: We talk about some practical examples of ways you can increase mindfulness around how you raise your kids.

If you need your kids to be a certain way, they feel pressure to be that way around you, and they’ll be different at school. -Michelle Anne

  • 11:59: Michelle clarifies what she means by setting boundaries and having some rules, but not pressuring your kids to be a certain way. She shares some of the ways she incorporates her kids in decisions and communication.

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  • 13:07: Since Michelle has adult children she’s been able to do fun things when they were teens like allow her kids to choose activities for vacation and involve everyone in the planning.

Their behavior affects their outcome. -Michelle Anne

  • 13:35: Michelle shares a story about her daughter that shows how she took ownership and lived into the trust that her mom put in her.

I don’t micromanage. I help them learn, and they make decisions. -Michelle Anne

Raising Successful Adults

  • 14:45: Michelle shares her #1 goal parents should have for their children and how it benefits them.
  • 16:10: Listen in here for some tips on raising less judgmental kids.
  • 17:53: Of course we discuss cooking with kids. 😛 Michelle shares how she’s involved her kids in the kitchen and given them independence and agency.

Cooking is such a beautiful thing to do with mindfulness. -Michelle Anne

  • 21:02: Michelle’s message is so encouraging to parents of little kids. She hit a rough spot personally and used that opportunity to become a better woman and thus better mom.

Be Present in the Moment

  • 21:39: We give you one practical step you can take for a quick win today.

Be who you want your kids to be. -Michelle Anne

  • 23:13: I share a story that helps me be intentionally in the moment and who I want to be with my kids.
  • 24:30: Going through your entire to-do list first thing in the morning tends to create stress. If you don’t get “enough” done by noon then you’re pushing stress onto the next day already. Michelle chooses one thing to get done every day. Appreciating the accomplishment snowballs positively throughout the rest of your day.
  • 27:34: Michelle shares about a practice from eastern philosophy where you only focus on one thing at a time.

If you want to be somewhere other than you are, it will create suffering. -Michelle Anne

Resources We Mention on Calm Parenting

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How to be a calm mom and stop micromanaging your kids

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